uncertain

I don't really know where I want to be at this moment, so I am just sitting here at my mother's table typing away and pretending that this is all I'm supposed to be doing.

I could be home with Chris and the kids. But I really wanted to be here.

I could be in my Nana's room, holding her, stroking her hair and whispering to her. But I have a pit in my stomach. When my dad died I was in my car in his driveway. I couldn't go back into that house. I'm kind of in that state right now. But I know that I will regret not being with her as much as I could when she is gone. I KNOW that from experience, yet I can't move from my seat.

I could sit right here. And I think that is what I'm going to do for a bit.