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Monday, February 23, 2009

here and there

My weekend was all over the place. I felt almost every emotion these past two days and I'm exhausted because of it.

I think that we are going to pull Ivy out of her dance lessons and that decision is really messing with me. She is so hot and cold about it all, which is not out of the norm for her. The kid is so moody and stubborn that Chris and I are pretty much at the end of our patience. So, we'll come to this conclusion and then watch, next weekend she will have a blast and be totally happy to be involved. I don't think that we can handle it as a family any more. It's just kind of sad for me to give up. But, it has been over 2 years... Maybe I have to let this go. Regardless, I'm going to be sad about her not being a dancer or a performer. She's so freaking drama, I thought she'd do well. And she does well 50% of the time. I have to keep reminding myself of how great she did at tennis and swim last year. My mind is running in circles about this. I'm honestly really very mad.

Yesterday I got in the car and bawled while driving to just get the heck out of the house. I was so frustrated with everything. I pulled myself together, came back home and apologized to everyone, including Hendrix for being so crabby. Mostly, I'm remembering that stinking headache that I've had all week. I kept thinking to myself, "I have to take my weekends into my own hands now. I can't always have such shitty weekends."

And then today was really nice. I went to work. I hung out with all of the kids. Took the older ones to the park, had a sit down dinner with Chris. So although I feel better today, it is still confusing. How can one day be so yucky? and then the very next day be the opposite? And I still have that headache.


Carrie said...

How can one day be so yucky and the next be totally opposite?

It's called having a newborn, a 3 year old and a 5 year old, that's what. Oh, and adding all those lovely hormones surging through our bodies as the cherry on the top -- it really creates for a nice emotional sundae.

Don't be so hard on yourself, my friend. I promise that it will get better. Things will come together. They always do. And it turns out for the best in the end. In the meantime, be gentle.


KrayonKel said...

I'm sure Carrie is right, but I think some of it is being a woman because I relate. Only I'm not sure if it is day to day. It seems like I'm that way moment to moment these days.


adventures north said...

My midwife told me that when I felt that way, to first take a nap. And if I still felt that way, to then call her. You have lots of hormones going, but you're also probably very exhausted. A tough combo! Hang in there! Oh, and this will be no surprise to you, but I'm the proud mom of a dance-dropout, too (-: