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Monday, April 19, 2010

The Queen is Dying

My Nana is dying. Which we have known for quite some time, with her new diagnosis of congestive heart failure. The last time that I saw her really engaged was right before Easter. After that, it's just been obvious that she is declining.

There are so many parts of this that are difficult. probably too many to name. But telling Ivy was right up there with something that I never want to do again. She has always asked about dying and about Nana since she is so old. When she was 5, she would start to spontaneously cry thinking about it and then work herself up to almost inconsolable. She wanted me to lie to her so badly, to tell her that Nana wouldn't ever die. And I told her that I would, but we would both know that it wasn't true.

I was on the nurse line for about 30 minutes after Ivy got stung by a wasp this morning. They wanted us to moniter her for another 6 hours after the sting. So, since she wasn't going to school, she was going to be with me. Meaning I would have to tell her what we would be doing today. The look on her face when she began to realize what I was telling her about Nana was something I never want to see again.

Nana did say some things today. I haven't heard her speak in a long time. She says, "Will you help me? I need to get away from here. I'm going home." She says that she can't open the door. I know that she is working on it.


KrayonKel said...

Praying for you.

Mrs. Inqvist said...

When my mom died three years ago Emma was only 8 and I cried the whole way home which was 70 miles and it was night. Emma was looking out the window and leaned forward and said to me "mommy I see one more star in the sky tonight, that must be grandma Betty". I love that child.