Purpose?

Well, I did it. I went into my settings and clicked away. I'm turning off my comments for a while. It is something that has really been on my mind lately and I want to get into it a little bit more.

When I first switched over from my other painful, cancer filled sadness blog on livejournal, my main goal was to gain more readers and to make some friends with the PC blog. And I have done this. The friends that I have connected with thru this forum have humbled me in ways that I never could have guessed. As a form of support, a blog is a wonderful thing. Especially someone like me, who is learning to grieve her daddy on a daily basis. To send out these thoughts about my life and to know that people really do care about the inner stuff as well as the outer stuff.

A little bit ago, KrayonKel posted a private post that had a password. This was the best idea ever! I was so excited to be a part of it and I wanted to try it out myself. But, there isn't a password thingy for this blog. Grrr.

So then, I thought about this blog and things that I want to say. Another friend of mine began a private, accepted readers only blog for some things that she felt the mainstream would find objectionable. I thought about that for a while too. But I know that I want to stay here. That I love PracticingContentment, because I am still practicing contentment every day.

I have realized that at this time, I need to be uncaring and disciplined about comments. I'm going to try out not having any comments for a while. It may drive me crazy and I might turn them back on in a day or so. But for now, I need to write for myself. Regardless of feedback.

I think that comments were hampering my posts. If there weren't many, I'd feel sad or rejected even. What was that all about? I guess that I got comfy with the support, and how wonderful is that? BUT, I have a need now to just post. To not check my email to see if I have comments waiting or not. At this point, comments are not my focus. Writing honestly and truthfully is. And writing for myself first. Readers are just the icing on the cake.

Finishing this up, I've added my email to my sidebar. I email with most of you anyway and I've found that there is a level of response in an email that is almost precious. Only between me and you. And so thought out and thought-ful. And there are some things that I would love your opinion on. And believe you me, I will be asking when the time comes.

So, I'd love to hear from anyone that is moved by any of my posts during this time. Thru email. I feel like I'm moving from general into intimate with this step. And I will still comment on your blogs as well. I just needed to take some self-inflicted pressure off. I'm excited to see what will happen.

PS. Will you check to make sure that I set it right? Maybe I've written all this for nothing!