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Wednesday, September 26, 2007

The Day Before, Or Today

I just wrote an email to Carrie, and thought that I'd share some of the things that I experienced today.

I'm doing much better as I started my period yesterday. Yeah! I think that I told you that I was on Depo, but then stopped as it was doing weird things to me that it hadn't done before. With each cycle now, I feel like my body is detoxing and I love thinking that it is finally getting out of my system. I went in today to a new p.a. for a med check and she gave me a referral for counseling and to do a more thorough med check with a psych. guy. She was great. She also has Generalized Anxiety Disorder and she was so understanding. It was wonderful. As I was leaving she told me that I was doing everything exactly right for my condition, just like if it was diabetes or something else. She also said that I shouldn't ever think of myself as "cured" because it doesn't go away, goes into remission then flares up again. I knew that on my own but it was great to hear it from her.

Thanks for participating at the happiness blog. It felt wonderful to start it, put it out there, and get support. We have made ourselves quite a little community, haven't we? I'm proud of us all.

Tomorrow will be hard but not as bad as I was thinking. I think that my sis and I will go out to one of dad's fave restaurants for dinner. I'm trying to have it be a "Happy Birthday, Dad" kind of day instead of, "Oh, I Miss My Dad, I Hate Cancer and I Hate the W#ore and the Traitor" kind of day. I know that I'll feel both.

Since I sent this to her I have decided to keep Ivy with me tomorrow and we will make my dad's favorite cake, pineapple upside down cake or german chocolate depending on how we feel. I'll also buy some balloons and we'll have a party with singing and everything to celebrate their Papa Kenny. I'm looking forward to the tears and the festivities. Maybe I'll even dig up a pic or two since I can't have any up yet without crying. That one is still up in the air! I will surely be wearing his old flannel pj pants, his cranberry colored coat (unwashed to keep the scent, covered in hay and dirt) and carrying his med bottle in my pocket along with the tissues I saved when I wiped his dying face with my tears on it.

I'm heading to bed to rest up!

Love you guys for everything.


Carrie said...

Happy Birthday, Karianne's Daddy! You must have been an amazing man to raise a daughter like Karianne.

Karianne- praying for you today. I hope that whatever you do, the tears, the smiles, the cakes, the eating... that everything will make you feel that much closer to your dad. I know he's watching you today, as he does everyday, and is sending his love down... I hope you can feel that especially today.


Melissa said...

Happy Birthday, papa Kenny. Thinking of you today, Karianne. I think you're celebration plans sound awesome. I'm so glad you have someone to share this with and remember your dad with!

Love to you today!

KrayonKel said...

Enjoy the time with your sis as you celebrate your daddy.

Much love,

Karen Beth said...

Oh dear... I will be thinking about you today and sending you all the love, light and positive thoughts that I can. I know it will be a hard day but I also know that you are a strong person.

I love you, dear.


Karen Beth :)

Catherine said...

Hugs and much love to you, sweetheart.