The anniversary of my dad's death is on February 16th. Not far away. For some reason, I felt that the one year mark would find me in a better place in my grief process. But I'm not. Just this week I've found out that there are still some things that I cannot do.
The 5 People You Meet In Heaven Listened to it in the car, which I think may have been a mistake so soon. But I thought it would make me feel better. It didn't.
Local commercials that show our chemotherapy treatment centers.
Local commercials that show where "The Whore" works. I swear to you, I will not buy a Subaru as long as she is employed with the company. (These commercials ran one after another tonight)
Certain songs on the radio. I wanted to make a list, but I don't think that I'd make it through. Thinking of title of certain songs makes my stomach hurt.
The funeral scene for Irv on Everwood. As soon as I realized what was going on, I bawled and changed the channel.
Seeing Edna on Everwood cry for Irv.
Any funerals or deaths at all.
And while I'm sensitive right now, the list will still grow.
I don't know if I can even do Super Bowl tomorrow. This was the last "holiday" that we celebrated together while he was alive. Dreading it. I'm not feeling the party girl tonight. I miss my dad.
4 comments:
Thanks for being so authentic, Karianne. Even though you may feel weak, I saw a true strength when you honestly shared your struggles. I'm so sorry for your lost.
Anniversaries are SO tough sometimes. I wish I could make it easier for you, but sometimes there are just no words.
Take care, my friend!
Hang in there. This must be so hard. I wish I had something, anything, to say. Shoot me an e-mail if it helps, k?
Also, I love your little tickers!
Hey..found you over on Maggie's blog. My mom died almost 5 years ago and my dad died this past June. It is HARD.. I think you mentioned chemo..my dad had cancer and watching someone you love suffer just plain stinks. There really is nothing that will make the pain go away. Give yourself permission to grieve.
Oh, and you have two beautiful children! What a blessing they are when all you really need is a hug and an "I love you mommmy"
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