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Saturday, March 01, 2008

No Longer Spank Free

Let me first say that I do not spank my kids. I have NEVER spanked either one of my kids. Until last night. Bec got a swat.

Before we even had kids I told Chris that I would not tolerate spanking. I come from a looooong line of non-spankers and I wanted to carry this on. But I also told him that I do think kids need a spanking if they are doing something dangerous like running into the street. That way if you never spank, but spank at danger, they will get how serious it is.

Let me explain myself. AND let me also say that I called my mom, sister and brother right afterwards and they all agreed that the swat was warranted.

I was watching Jeopardy in our living room. The kids were playing along the East side of the room where their toys are. I try to play Jeopardy every night. I heard Bec say, "Mommy, yook a me" I looked up and saw Becken halfway in the floor with only his head and chest out of the carpet. ?

That was the weirdest thing to see only half of your kid coming out of the floor. I had to really stop and think what was happening. I called for Chris. Bec had taken off our floor vent and climbed in.

(Still spank free at this point)

Can you imagine? I pulled him out of the vent which is set into our concrete foundation. Telling him, NO NO and OWIE OWIE all the time. His legs were kind of stuck and he scraped coming out. Under him was a mess of cars that he had thrown in first. I had to reach my hand down into the floor and under the house to get them all. I was getting past my elbow.

I was scared reaching into the dark like that. And all of the dust and stuff? There could have been spiders or worse down there. All the while I'm panicking inside because of what could have happened. If he would have been a bit smaller or the vent a bit bigger, he would have been trapped in concrete under the floor. Remember Baby Jessica? What if he hadn't told me to look and I couldn't find him, but I could hear him? We would have had to use a jackhammer to get him out.

(No spanking still)

When I got up to wash my hands, my knees went soft. All of the adrenaline. I felt like I had just been missed by a huge train. Chris and I were shaking our heads, not believing any of it.

And. You guessed it. When I went back in the living room, he was in the process of having the vent cover off again and putting his cars back in.

(Here it comes)

I rushed over, pulled him out, and then came the swat. Chris started yelling at Bec NO NO NO, OWIE OWIE. Bec started crying. Ivy started crying. I couldn't believe that I had spanked him. I almost went 5 years without spanking. I think that Chris was impressed though. I'm so laid back that I don't think he though I had it in me.

Of course I was lightening fast on the phone to my brother and sister. Their kids are older and they DO NOT spank either. I was freaked that I became such a different person in an instant. But they reassured me that it was instinct. That I was just trying to keep him safe. I'm still buzzing as I remember and write this down.

We may have to glue the cover on as there is nothing to nail/screw it to. Remember, concrete foundation. No floorboards.



KrayonKel said...

As someone who was spanked and doesn't think it is a crime, I do understand those who choose not to. And when I have kids, I think I will definitely consider not spanking. After watching SuperNanny and reading books, I feel like there are ways to do it without physical punishment. (I'm not really sure if I will or not, and I don't feel that this is something I have to decide now.)

When a child is doing something that could cause physical harm and even death, it is very important for him/her to know what that means. Children are naturally curious. If Bec thought it was a game, then it could be very tempting for him to do it again--only this time when you weren't looking. By spanking this one time, you really showed him the danger. And if anything you were protecting him, not hurting him.

AnastasiaC said...

Woahhh you're on patient mummy to not spank...although I rarely spank my kids, every now and then when it gets really bad - I will is so looked down on these days so it makes you feel guilty but each to their own....
Bec is very cheeky heehee what a cutie though...lucky he didnt hurt himself!

Katya said...

I wholeheartedly understand your decision not to spank your children, and I agree with it and commend it. However, I also think that you are absolutely justified for swatting Bec for that, because he needs to know how dangerous that is! I dislike spanking for spanking's sake, because I feel all it does is humiliate the children, but in a case of immediate danger I think it definitely gets the message across. Don't worry. You're still an amazing mom!

3 Beauties said...

You go girl! I was a "spanked" child, so I know how effective it can be as a danger deterent. I applaude your efforts to not spank, but I give you a standing ovation that you did spank at the time you did. You don't have to make it the rule. And just because you did it once, doesn't mean you have to do it again.

I am sure Bec will think twice about messing with the grate between now and when you have it attached to the floor!

You are doing a great job! Keep it up Princess Mommy. :)

Katiefucious said...

I think you've got the right idea there. I can count on one hand the times my mom spanked me, and every time I remember that what I was doing was either dangerous or extremely stupid. :)

alisonwonderland said...

no more mommy guilt! you're a fabulous mom, and i love you!

(my oldest has never been spanked, but my other two have. growing up with an abusive father, i vowed i'd never spank. but sometimes it's what needs to happen. that's my two cents.)

Carrie said...

What you did was right. You did not spank out of anger or malice, but rather out of love, because you did not want something even worse to happen to him because he was not getting the message of how dangerous the situation was.
I was spanked for every single offense as a child, and I really think that is the wrong way to go about it, simply for the fact that it's not something that's shocking to a child and becomes just another thing... it failed to get my attention because it was done so, so often. I really feel that if spanking is going to be used, it should be reserved for the serious of offenses, such as what Bec did.
I am so, so glad that he was okay. You are a wonderful, wonderful Mother.


Melissa said...

K---every little decision in parenting is tough, in my opinion. EVERYTHING. I think you handled it perfectly. I think the really cool thing is that you did something you thought you'd never do, and yet, it served a purpose---even if for only this one time, it was the right thing to do. Or if not "right" then at least "appropriate", you know?

I think it's hard no matter what.
Love to you!

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