Do you remember being in college and thinking to yourself, "I can break down after finals." And then, after your last final you would have a great cry, a few days in your pjs or getting sicker than a dog. Well, that's kind of how I feel these past couple of days.
I have been very excited for the wedding and you all know how happy I am for them. But, there is an opposite to all of that. Seeing my beautiful xstepmom marrying someone else was really hard. Even if he is my second cousin and he's a great guy. Could you imagine how hard it would be if she married a stranger? My brother C almost didn't make it to the rehearsal and the wedding because he was bawling his eyes out sobbing and ashamed, not wanting to ruin his mom's wedding, but also missing our dad so much. It is hard coming from a divorced family at times because even when you are old, you still wish that your parents could work it out. That isn't a viable fantasy for us anymore with my dad gone. And it feels soon too. Soon in that he only died 1.5 years ago. Not soon in that Gina and Teddy broke off their first engagement over a decade ago.
Whenever we are all together as a family, I inevitably start looking around for my dad about an hour into the celebration. He was always late! And then I remember, he isn't coming because he is dead. It always takes me by surprize that he really isn't late, he's gone. And then I'm sad all over again.
I was dreading the reception on a small level because I knew that it would be the last time in a long while that all 6 of us siblings would be together because the twins leave for college on Wednesday. That kind of resolved because my brother C never made it to the reception after the wedding. So then I was upset because I can't remember the last time we all had our photo taken together. But in all honesty it probably turned out for the best. The rest of us had a blast together burning up the dance floor.
Saying goodbye to my sister LJ was horrible at the end of the night. Lord, I cried a lot on Saturday and it hasn't ended. I'm so proud of her. She's such a great person. And now she's off to live her own life out of state. It makes me sad and happy.
Enough for now. More emotions to come! Lucky you guys!
But I do love my hair.
6 comments:
a friend once described that meltdown after a period of stress as "running down a hill so fast that when you get to the bottom the only way to stop is to fall on your face". i think that's it exactly!
one thing i'm trying to learn is that it's okay to be flat on my face for a while - and that i will be able to get back up again in a little bit.
hang in there, my friend. sending cyberhugs your way and feeling your rays of love coming my way!
p.s. the hair is really great! :o)
I definitely understand that whole meltdown thing. I felt like that last June when my final projects were done, and I had all this spare time.... I feel like the first day or two of my vacation are spent in bed, a wreck, recovering from the last quarter. Ugh.
I feel your pain.
And I dig your hair.
Bless your heart, dear. I know this is an emotional time for you and rightly so. I know you do miss your Father so very much and this time only makes that more real to you. Just know that you are strong and entitled to these feelings.
I love you and will be thinking of you.
xo,
Karen Beth :)
wow...that's a lot of raw emotion to deal with. love alisonwonderland's quote. I'm sorry there's so much right now.
If I were a real life friend I would be happy to hold the box of kleenex and listen.
Wow, that is a lot to deal with at the same time. I love Alison's description of that meltdown after a high level of stress. It is such a great analogy!
I am sorry that all of this is thrown on your plate at once. Especially the way your dad was tied to the day, but not there. I'm so sorry, Karianne.
*HUGE HUGS*
i can relate to emotional meltdowns...ive had a tough week at work and ended up crying twice in front of my boss!! Not what I need in my life right now - its just a job at the end of the day! haha!
You must miss your dad like crazy...Im sure he is beaming down at you and all the family proud as punch! (hugs) sweet!!
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