So how funny is that title? But that is exactly how I feel. I just typed up my goodbye post for sharespace and it just keeps feeling better and better. While typing it up, the thought came to me that right now, I'm done with infertility. I never could have thought that I would be able to say that while dealing with it years ago. And who is to say that I won't have it back in my life in the future? But for now, today, I'm done and I'm moving on.
I finished a book this morning called, "A Dog Year" by Jon Katz. In it, he mentions a time when he feels like he is done grieving when he is spreading remains in a sacred space. When I read that I thought, "When will I be through with grieving?" And I don't know if I ever will. But tonight, this week and this month, I'm done with infertility.
The job blog required me to delve in, dig and experience my infertility like I hadn't on my own. That immersion for a year with daily posts really got into me deeply. Nothing was too small to avoid analysis. It was so healing to revisit those times with the buffer of space and two kids. I'm scarred and will be forever because of the miscarriages. And at times the scar itches and hurts and is numb, just like my C-section scar. But my mind is done fidgeting with it for now. On this aspect, I can mentally rest.
Now I'm off to celebrate by starting to read another book which has become an added benefit of quitting. I'm reading again. I missed it so much.
6 comments:
I like the analogy of mental/emotional scars vs. physical scars--they still bug you, even years after you think they're healed.
I suppose they're good reminders of lessons learned, life lived, loved ones lost, and what makes being human so terrible and wonderful all at the same time.
Congratulations!!!!
Enjoy the book. 8^)
I know exactly what you mean. Time, and babes in your arms to love and hold are amazing salve to the wounds, and definitely help to heal them.
They will always be there. But we won't remember it all of the time. But there are moments when you are emotionally 'naked' you can look and see those scars and remember the pain just like it was yesterday.
Thankfully I am not in the place I was 4 or 5 years ago. I remember the depth of the pain I experienced on a daily basis.
Thank God for the two blessings He was so generous to give each of us. Without them, I don't know where I'd be, but I know it wouldn't be a good place.
I'm glad your heart is letting you move on.
Congrats! Relax, read good books, and enjoy life.
Congrats...enjoy your freedom!
Such a good post. I wish I could be there with you--I wish I could be done too.
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