It is fast approaching a year of my dad's dying. It strikes me as odd the things that stick to me and make me so sad. Going through his clothes, I was ok. Getting his wallet I was relieved and happy. In Target tonight I saw a pill splitter and almost started to cry in the aisle. And now it is still in my throat and chest and I should cry it out but I can't yet.
Having Chris' dad over for football makes me so jealous that I could spit. Hearing them laugh together on the phone makes my skin crawl. And then I feel bad about that.
Things will be a bit difficult for a while I think. I'm surprized how much I miss him. I'm still shocked at how sick he was.
4 comments:
I will keep you in my prayers, I am sorry you are feeling this way... but I think what you are feeling is normal. Hang in there.:O)
I am so sorry that you lost your Dad, and I can not imagine how difficult it must be to sort through his things or to have to face the sadness and pain of being reminded of his absence. Give yourself permission to be sad and grieve. Are you going to do anything to remember him with your family? Maybe just drinking some wine and talking about your memories could help loosen the emotions that are stuck in side of you?
You and your family is in my thoughts.
Isn't it funny how the little things pop up and get you in your heart when you're not looking?
Sometimes I want to hold onto those memories forever...but sometimes I wish I could "hurry up and get over" the grieving so I wouldn't have to worry about being "ambushed" by sadness every once in awhile.
I am so sorry for your loss. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
I feel the same way about my husband and my father-in-law. My FIL is like a second father to me, but it doesn't seem fair. And even after 10 years I still get choked up on Father's Day and his (my Dad's) Birthday. I catch myself remebering some of my fondest memories of him and I smile, or I start to bawl. What's cool is my husband will know exactly what's bothering me and come over and give me a hug. All he has to say is, " You miss him,don't you!" Then I cry like a baby!
I agree with Mert, what you are feeling is normal, and I'd be lying if I said those feelings will ever go away. They really come and go, but are never really gone.
Sending some HUGS and prayers your way!
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